I usually find my inspiration to write when something ‘happens’ , good or bad , strange or extraordinary – does not matter. I log into this blog when I want to say so much about something but I do not know to whom; so I come here and I vent. Usually, I just turn it into a guide to how these things relate to the massive change of continent, or how to deal with them when you are new to being ‘independent’ .
You know, what is the sad part about being a new ‘independent’ is ? it is that you are now ‘alone’ . Remember, I am not saying that your parents or friends won’t help you through it, but if you are anything like me , you will not even tell them what is bothering you. I think that is just a clause in the ‘being an adult’ contract : you mould yourself in a way that you refrain from telling anyone about your problems. This sometimes makes you call your high school best-friend with whom you had a falling out . and just talk about anything, but your problems. So, what I am saying is , and am probably quoting someone; but recently said by my cousin :
‘Adulthood is a scam’
I am sorry for being so negative, but someone has to say the truth. I was living in this delusion that the minute I leave India, I will be living the dream. Which in it’s most basic essence , I am. I am studying in the university I dreamed of , a course I love in a country tat has everything. But, I would say that it is not exactly what I wanted. I have literally zero seconds to think about what is going around, what I am feeling or take a moment to realise that I am alive, take a breathe and have nothing on my mind. I have not been able to find time to workout, explore this new country or sleep.
I started loosing the sense of who I actually am, as a human. The human – interaction decreased exponentially here, it was all sitting in front of a PC with a notebook and a pen . Every now and then, when I zone out in a lecture or am looking outside the bus window , I make it a point to think about who I was before life got busy and before I stopped taking care of myself.
A human needs so much more than just using the analytical and logical part of the brain. I was listening ti a ted talk by Johann Hari called ‘This could be why you’re depressed or anxious’ |( https://youtu.be/MB5IX-np5fE ) ; it got me thinking that as time passes, human generation is evolving but is turning into robots. We have stopped interacting with each other or even ourselves. The inner ‘humanity’ , that makes us different, is dying. As said in the TED talk that humans need to be in a tribe, which is true ! We need others to survive.
How long has it been since you have had that unexplainable feeling of warmth or something like that , which you do not realise you are having while having it. But, once it is gone – You miss it? Like when you are having the time of your life on a hangout, you do not realise you are , but you smile and start missing it the minute you get back home. The feeling you can always remember , the TRUE emotion. I do not know how to actually describe this, but I am sure you get it ! Hopefully, you guys are actually thinking about one of these memories and smiling about it .
Typing the last paragraph, I realised that just smiling is such a precious emotion, which I , personally have not REALLY smiled in a long time. I mean I am not ‘depressed’, I laughed yesterday at the library , but YOU GET IT , RIGHT ??
We need to make connections and networks, and not the ones you connect on Linkedin, but the ones you call up at 11:00 pm and get drunk on pizza and a good Netflix show. We homo sapiens need other homo sapiens to remain homo sapiens. And I am not talking about how the romantic relationships, (which is also great !) but ACTUL FRIENDS are AMAZING ! TRUST ME !! I have a few and they are amazing !
Anyway, what I am saying is , NURTURE YOURSELF ! YOU ARE IMPORTANT ! One of my friends told me,
“Saloni, YOU ARE WORTH IT , LIVE FOR YOURSELF !”
Which, honestly has become my motto for life, and I will tell you it is amazing. I have been chanting this inside my head whenever I have been in a pit. But, do not stick to it directly , remember to not hurt someone. Being selfish is wrong, but so is giving up yourself totally for something you do not believe in just for someone else.
Wow, this has really turned into a self helping essay. I do not know what title to give this, I have just being blabbing.
BE STRONG ! SMILE ! MAKE ACTUAL RELATIONS !!!
Much love !